It isn’t much, but that’s what we’re holding on to right now.  10-15% chance this pregnancy will end favourably (i.e with healthy baby in arms).  I write this because I’ve been searching again, for others in my shoes.  It’s hard because we’re silent.  We haven’t told anyone our news because we were afraid something like this would happen.  It’s ironic at the time when you need support the most that you can’t reach out for it.  Or I guess, that we choose not to.  Our families have suffered enough heart breaks the last while that we’ve seen no sense in worrying them.  Even more so now that there actually IS something to worry about.

My history, for those other moms-to-be out there – 35, first pregnancy, 13 weeks, NT=5.6 mm, CRL measuring on the low end of the normal range for this stage.  We were offered CVS and had it and we’re now waiting.  Our odds are on the lower end though because the scan yesterday showed showed fluid around the head and farther down the back.  We tend to do well on low odds (Mom died when she had an 80% chance of survival, the chance of THIS happening was about 10%) so we’re trying to stay hopeful.  I’m trying not to get too stressed, not to cry.  Even if our baby is going to have a short life I want it to be a happy one.

But part of me wants to rail at the universe – WHY ME? WHY US? HOW MANY THINGS WON’T WORK OUT IN OUR LIVES?  HOW MUCH HEARTBREAK MUST WE ENDURE?????

The rational side of me knows that it’s just biology, that sh*t happens, that bad things happen to loads of people, that this will make us stronger, blah,blah,blah.

It still breaks my heart.